Dads Army Theme Song Liberty Bell Style

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if the classic dads army theme was set to the liberty bell song and had better lyrics to give a backstory to all the recruits it would sound like this (LYRICS BELOW)

Verse 1 Mainwaring stands with his chest full of pride, A desk-bound commander with nowhere to hide. He bellows out orders with Churchillian flair, Then trips on his clipboard and falls off his chair.

Chorus 1 We’re Mainwaring’s men, we’re Britain’s last line, We drill once a week and forget half the time. We’ve got one old rifle and half of a map, But we’ll guard this old town with a thermos and trap.

Verse 2 Sergeant Wilson’s too posh to be stern, He smiles through chaos and waits for his turn. He’s calm under fire, aloof in a fight, And he’s dating Pike’s mum—though he swears that he might.

Chorus 2 We’re Mainwaring’s men, we march with a limp, Our uniforms sag and our mascot’s a shrimp. We’ve booby-trapped Walmington’s bins and its bogs, And we’ve trained for assault with a kettle and clogs.

Verse 3 Young Private Pike is a boy in a suit, He’s scared of loud noises and allergic to fruit. He once called a colonel a “silly old goat,” Then hid in a cupboard and swallowed his coat.

Chorus 3 We’re Mainwaring’s men, we’re daft but we try, We salute every pigeon that happens to fly. We’ve got one grenade and it’s stuck in a boot, And our battle formation’s a tea-time dispute.

Verse 4 Lance Corporal Jones is a relic of war, He fought in Sudan and still thinks it’s 1904. He charges at shadows and shouts “Don’t panic!” Then faints at the sight of a goose in a hammock.

Chorus 4 We’re Mainwaring’s men, we’re old but we’re game, We once stopped a tank with a picture frame. We’ve built a decoy from jam and old socks, And we’re guarding the pier with a box full of clocks.

Verse 5 Private Frazer predicts doom every day, He’s certain the Nazis will land in the bay. He’s buried his medals and sharpened his spoon, And he’s training a cat to detect a balloon.

Chorus 5 We’re Mainwaring’s men, we’re grim but we’re bold, We’ve painted the cannon in marigold gold. We’ve summoned the choir to sing “God Save the King,” While Jones does a jig in a bee-sting sling.

Verse 6 Private Godfrey is gentle and slow, He’s polite to invaders and lets them all go. He’s armed with a flask and a lavender spray, And he naps through the drills every alternate day.

Chorus 6 We’re Mainwaring’s men, we’re sleepy but proud, We once held a siege with a tea towel crowd. We’ve got no supplies and our boots are all split, But we’ll fight to the end with a biscuit and wit.

Verse 7 So here stands the Guard with its leader in tow, A platoon full of pensioners ready to go. They may be ill-suited, ill-trained, and ill-shod, But they’ll fight for their country, their pride, and their cod.

Chorus 7 We’re Mainwaring’s men, the last of the brave, We’ll march into battle from cradle to grave. So raise up your mugs and salute with a cheer— For the Home Guard will triumph… sometime next year.